It Won’t Be Lonely This Christmas.

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So there I was, crying into my laptop and devouring coffee to get me through the last of my Christmas shopping. It was my brother’s turn to cause me heart palpitations and, despite knowing what he likes (comics, PlayStation and generally avoiding daylight), I just couldn’t find anything to buy him. I was perusing ASOS, hunting for a nice shirt or yet another Nike t-shirt for him when it struck me.

This is the first Christmas in 5 years that I won’t be buying a gift for that ‘special someone.’

It stuck with me for a minute, and eventually I shrugged off the thought with a smirk. Did it feel weird? Sure. Bittersweet? Somewhat. 

But oh my GOD, right now? I wouldn’t have it any other way…


Being single over the Festive period always has, and probably always will be, painted negatively – especially towards us girls. We’re seemingly programmed to crave someone to spend time with at Christmas markets, have wintery ‘days in’ with or – let’s be crude – do the nasty with while wearing Santa hats.

Just me? 

Generally speaking, though, everyone seems to feel that pang on the run up to Christmas. There’s a sense of comfort, I suppose, in knowing that no matter how miserable the weather is – you have someone to be around. And, if you’re like me and love buying people presents, there’s a little buzz about giving them the perfect gift.

HOWEVER.

This year, being the first in a while that I’ve been a single lass, I’ve decided that I’m going to make a seemingly negative thing work for me. It’s no mystery to you all now, that my love life is a bit of a joke. I always swore not to let the blog become a Carrie Bradshaw-type page, where I cry and moan about relationships. But let’s be honest – my dating activities are…interesting. And it supplies most of the entertainment in my life.

Urgh, Kathryn, could you be any more bitter? 

Honestly – I’m not some sad little hag who batters her keyboard loose when my love life is flat. I just think it’s about time someone preached the positives to flying solo over the Festivities.

So, without further ado, here are some of the points that I’ve begun to notice this Holiday period!

 1. THE BIGGY!….IT’S CHEAPER!

I usually try a set a budget with my partner at this time of year. An agreed amount, so that neither of us are shown up at the time of present-giving. I mean, what’s more awkward than you giving him socks, and him giving you a Swarovski bracelet?

In all seriousness, though. It’s not just the gift – it’s the days out before Christmas, it’s the aforementioned cute dates to the markets (6 quid for a German beer by-the-way…I’m good.) It’s the travelling to and from said dates, it’s buying his parents gifts. It’s a small fortune.

I’m sorry, but I’m already neck-deep in my overdraft. My savings have taken more of a pounding than yer maw. I simply cannot afford love this year.

CHRISTMAS DAY IS MY DAY. AND JESUS’. 

I don’t know if I’m just an anti-social little bitch, but the idea of spending Christmas Eve/Christmas Day with anyone outwith my family makes my metaphorical balls shudder. Christmas, to me, has always been the same. I spend it with my nearest and dearest, I don’t actually WANT to be around anyone else’s family. I hate the idea of sharing my time between my family and theirs, I’d rather be sat at my Papa’s feet, listening to him swear at the TV.

Just how it should be.

MATE DATES.

The one thing I’ve noticed this Winter, is the amount of extra time that I have to spend with my friends. Typically, my weekends would be consumed by being with my partner, doing cute lil wintery things. But this year, they’re spent being stanky drunk on tequila with my favourite humans. YAY.

GUY GIFTS.

As I said earlier, I love buying presents at any time of the year. The only thing is, when you’re in a relationship, Christmas shopping becomes Hellish. I’ve seen couples genuinely brawl over poor present choices (Shallow, yes. I know.) and I just can’t be assed with worrying about that.

If he just liked cheese toasties and Strongbow, that’s great. But I always seem to date guys with the weirdest interests and hobbies.

It’s not so easy to find a portable metal detector or organic seasonal herb kit, y’know.

THE WORK NIGHT OUT.

Three words: Go. Full. Slag.

I’ll just leave that there.

(Ps, have a safe lunch, always use a condiment x)

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NO AWKWARD INTRODUCTIONS.

I can be quite an awkward girl to introduce to your family.

I stare, have a weird laugh and will probably just be waiting on dinner being served. Which is why it’s a small mercy not to have to meet any guys’ extended family this year. I’m awful at pretending to be enjoying someones company, so if you’re creepy Uncle Ian looks at me like that again, his balls will be the new tree decorations.

Otherwise, I’m just genuinely really bad at remembering names. I’d rather not embarrass either of us, darling.

The moral of the story is this: there are so many advantages to being a single pringle this Christmas, and if you can’t see it, you’re living a very sad, dependant existence. I’m kidding, but seriously – take the time that you used to invest in someone else (who, by-the-way, wasn’t worth the time or money – clearly) and indulge in some treats for yourself! I’ve just spent, what would’ve been, my ‘Boyfriend Budget’ on a Zadig and Voltaire bag and some books.

SLEEEEEIIIIGHHH.

Stay fabulous, from one Bitter Bitch to another x

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